Beginners Guide To Bondage

Bondage sex is a form of BDSM where one person ties up their partner in a sex position. The process can be as simple or intricate as the couple desires. Some bondage positions are variations of doggy-style or missionary, while others are more athletic and require special bondage equipment.

BDSM is a blanket term for a wide variety of erotic practices and kinks revolving around power dynamics between consenting sexual partners. The term BDSM is a combination of acronyms that stand for three similar but distinct communities that use power imbalance for sexual pleasure: bondage and discipline (B/D), domination and submission (D/s), and sadism and masochism (S/M).

In general, BDSM involves one partner acting in the dominant role (or “dom”), while the other embodies the submissive role (or “sub”) as they both act out consensual fantasies. Both partners receive sexual pleasure and satisfaction from performing their role (whether dominant or submissive) during the sexual encounter.

If you are new to bondage play, consider these tips before you get started:

1. Set ground rules with your partner. To engage in healthy bondage play, you and your partner should both agree on what you’re comfortable with before you begin. Have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the roles you’re each drawn toward so that you both feel comfortable and confident experimenting.
2. Select a safe word. Trust and mutual consent between one or more partners are the foundation of bondage play. However, it may be hard to distinguish between playful banter and an honest request to slow down or stop the experience in the middle of a session. Every bondage practitioner should establish at least one safe word with their partner—something either person can say to signal that a boundary has been crossed and a break is necessary. Additionally, you and your partner can choose two different safe words—one that signals a stop in action and another that signals you’re coming close to a boundary and should ease off or move the session in a different direction.
3. Start small. If you’re new to bondage, try light BDSM activities before you buy a complicated rope system. If you want to buy equipment, a blindfold and some wrist restraints are useful, inexpensive items that you can continue to use as you expand into more elaborate bondage play.
4. Understand the risks. There are two main schools of thought regarding risk during BDSM sessions—the “safe, sane, and consensual” model (SSC) and the “risk-aware consensual kink” model (RACK). Those who follow the SSC model emphasize safety, sticking to activities that you and your partner have designated as “safe” beforehand. Those who follow the RACK model believe that the word “safe” is problematic because many BDSM activities are inherently risky; they argue that the responsibility for determining risk tolerance lies with each individual—making explicit consent even more crucial. Before engaging in bondage play, learn how to take the appropriate precautions to avoid cutting off circulation or causing nerve damage.

Couples have no shortage of sex positions to choose from when exploring bondage.

1. Spooning bondage: In the spooning bondage position, also known as the rag doll position, the little spoon partner's arms are bound in front of them. The spooned partner can be blindfolded for added kink.
2. Handcuffed to the bed: This form of bondage involves shackling someone to a bed—often a headboard—with rope or handcuffs. Bed bondage can accomodate different positions, most of which are good for foreplay or stimulation with a vibrator.
3. Hogtie: The hogtie involves tying both wrists and both ankles together at a single point.
4. Ball tie: In a standard ball tie, the submissive partner is bound in the fetal position with their arms and knees tucked into their chest. A ball gag may be placed in their mouth.
5. Frogtie: In this rope bondage position, the submissive partner's ankles are tied to their thighs. Their arms are typically tied behind their back, often in a reverse prayer position. When vulva owners are frogtied, the position provides easy access to their clitoris for oral sex.
6. Cowgirl: In this bondage position, the submissive partner is bound in a spread-eagle position while the dominant partner performs the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position on top of them.
7. Chair bondage: This type of bondage involves tying a submissive's body parts to a high-back chair. Their legs get shackled to the chair legs while their arms are generally tied behind the chair's back. This allows the dominant to ride them or perform oral sex.
8. Standing bondage: While standing, the submissive partner’s arms are bound behind their upper body—often tied to a wall or a ceiling—and their legs are spread with a spreader bar connecting their ankles to shackles. This position enables the dominant to approach them from behind for penetration with a penis or dildo.
9. Rear-entry bondage: A simpler form of standing bondage, this position involves one partner bent over with their wrists tied to their ankles. Their legs can be spread with a spreader bar if desired. This positioning makes it easy for the dominant partner to spank, penetrate, or perform oral sex on the submissive partner from behind.
10. Shibari: Shibari, which translates to "decorative tying," is a form of rope bondage that originated in Japan and dates back to the seventeenth-century Edo period. Shibari involves rope made from jute or hemp and is considered an aesthetically pleasing form of BDSM.